Excerpt: Murder & Mayhem in Goose Pimple Junction by Amy Metz

Title: Murder & Mayhem in Goose Pimple Junction
Author: Amy Metz
Genre: Mystery

Book Description

Murder & Mayhem In Goose Pimple Junction is a humorous southern mystery set in a unique town full of quirky residents. Grab a glass of sweet tea and settle in. You'll be laughing and guessing until the very end of this thoroughly entertaining novel.

When Tess Tremaine starts a new life in the colorful town of Goose Pimple Junction, she thinks she's moved to a quiet little burg. Curiosity leads her to look into a seventy-five-year-old murder, and suddenly she's learning the foreign language of southern speak, resisting her attraction to local celebrity Jackson Wright, and dealing with more mayhem than she can handle. 

If brains were dynamite, Willy couldn't blow his nose. Could a murderer be that stupid? Jack can charm the dew right off the honeysuckle. Surely a fine southern gentleman isn't a murderer. But Tess is determined to find out, and Goose Pimple Junction will never be the same.

A bank robbery, murder, and family tragedy from the 1930s are pieces of the mystery, which Tess attempts to solve in this cozy mystery. As she gets close to the truth, she encounters danger, mystery, a lot of southern charm, and a new temptation for which she's not sure she's ready.

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From Chapter 7: A Hissy Fit With a Tail On It

(Upon waking up one morning, Tess has discovered shoe prints on her hardwood floors and she calls the police.)

Present day
Ten minutes later, John Ed was standing in her den. “You mean that’s all the evidence you have? Shoe prints? What do you want me to do? Put out an APB for everybody in town who wears a size ten?”
“Chief, someone’s been in my house. I can assure you I’m not making this up.”
“That ain’t something I can hang my hat on, missy.”
“Why don’t you quit patronizing the lady and start trying to figure out why somebody keeps breaking into her house, John Ed?” Jack’s voice came through the front screen door. He opened it and let himself in.
“You ain’t got no dog in this fight.” John Ed glared at Jack. “Or do you?” He looked from Tess to Jack with a suggestive expression.
“One … ” Jack ticked off points on his fingers, “ … it’s my business because this lady’s a friend of mine. And two,” Jack kicked up his accent a notch, “I don’t ‘preshade your innuendos.”
“Aw, Jack, don’t go getting your knickers all in a bunch. She had a hissy fit with a tail on it. I was only trying to calm her down, that’s all.”
“Wouldn’t you have a hissy fit if someone kept breaking into your house?”
“And just how did you know that’s what the call was for this morning?” Chief Price folded his arms and looked at Jack suspiciously.
“You know you can’t keep anything quiet in this town, John Ed. Now quit arguing and take the woman seriously. What are you gonna do about this?”
“Well, one thing I’m gonna do is tell the little lady to get herself some better locks. Looka here.” John Ed went to the door and pointed to the metal latch in the door jamb, “All’s a person has to do is slip a putty knife in here and he’s in.”
Jack exhaled in impatience. “Besides your expert advice on home safety, what are you going to do?” He stood with his hands on his hips, glaring at John Ed.
“Jackson, I don’t know of a dadblamed thing I can do … ”
Too nervous to just stand around listening to the men bicker and wanting something to do, she went into the kitchen to make some tea, and John Ed’s voice grew softer until she could no longer hear his or Jack’s words, only the faint sound of conversation coming from the next room. The thought of someone in her house while she was sleeping sent shivers down her spine, made her sick to her stomach, and she could feel the hair on her arms standing on end. The men continued to argue, but she no longer cared what was said. It was obvious the chief thought she was just a hysterical female.
She filled the teakettle with water and put it on the stove. She wasn’t hungry but thought maybe eating something would calm her roiling stomach. While waiting for the kettle to boil, she absentmindedly grabbed a box of Banana Nut Cheerios out of the cabinet and stood over the sink, eating from the box.
“Are you okay?” Jack stood with his hands in his pockets, leaning against the kitchen doorway.
Tess jumped and whirled around at the sound of his voice, spraying Cheerios across the room.
“No thanks, I’ve had breakfast.” He pushed away from the door. “You a little bit on edge?”
She let out a heavy sigh and sat the box on the counter with a thud. He bent down to help her pick up the cereal.
“John Ed left?” She began sweeping the cheerios into a pile with her hand.
“Yeah, before I could throw him out.”
She mumbled under her breath about the gall of some men.
“Tess, I think it’s safe to say that for whatever reason they keep coming back, their intent is not to hurt you. If they’d wanted to do that, they’d have done it last night.”
Tess nodded. Kneeling on the floor, she scooped up the Cheerios and deposited them in the garbage. “You’re probably right.” She wondered if he noticed how shaky she was. Her silent question was answered when he reached out to gently squeeze her hand. The reassuring gesture did manage to calm her a bit.
He stood, putting his hands on his hips. “Tess, don’t be offended by this question, but … do you … ”
“Do I what?” Her brow furrowed.
“Do you have any drugs in the house?”
What? Jack, no, of course I don’t have any drugs in this house. How could you even think such a thing?”
“I don’t. I just had to ask. Drugs, firearms, and high-end loot. That’s usually what people are after when they break into a place. Since your high-end loot is still here and I don’t peg you for the gun-toting type,” his eyes wandered to the Louisville Slugger baseball bat in the corner of the kitchen, “drugs are all that’s left.”
Tess plopped down on the floor and put her head in her hands. “I think back to a little over a year ago, when I had a quiet, ordinary, mundane life. Then my world exploded. I thought moving here would let me get back on an even keel. Now I’m having to learn a new language, I have ugly wallpaper stuck to the walls, and I have a stalker. So much for my good luck charm.”



  1. Thank you for featuring Murder & Mayhem in Goose Pimple Junction on your blog, Jo! As my character Lou would say, I preshade it!

  2. Jo, I just wanted to give your readers the new Amazon link to Murder & Mayhem in Goose Pimple Junction. I know they'd rather have the new and improved version! http://tinyurl.com/qc9e3wa
    Thanks again...


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